the side quests lead to the main path

this is a log for my self that I wanted to get out, i’ve been away for a while, and I’m in a library right now just reminiscing on the days when I used to so badly desire hitting those life goals, those results that I thought I always wanted.

I used to see all these beasts on social media crushing their fitness goals, having that insane physique I’ve always wanted, having those followers and community that I deeply wanted, hitting those revenue goals that I craved for so long.

For a long time, that was my primary driver to try to go and ‘get it’. A lot of my fuel was sparked from the fact that that’s exactly what I wanted, to prove people wrong, to be able to flex the same way, in the same light that these other people were doing.

and to be completely honest, i’m not complaining, those desires in them self initiated this journey that I’m now on, and i’m grateful my past self decided to act on them, instead of victimizing myself thinking it was never possible.

but looking back,

a lot of the things i started we’re driven by metrics, what was expected out of me, how i wanted to be perceived by other people, how I wanted to be valued in society.

I used to spend hours everyday grinding to get those technical roles I wanted, I’d spend hours in the gym trying to get perfect image of the ideal physique I had in mind, I’d

and eventually, I’d did it. I got most of what I desired.

I got that phsyqie I’ve always wanted, I got some money in my bank account, I got the attention that i wanted from women.

but one thing remained constant.

I wasn’t enjoying the workouts more, I wasn’t enjoying my work more, I wasn’t enjoying the attention more, it was still the exact same.

I never felt like how I thought I was going to feel.

yeah, this is another cliche letter talking about how it’s not about the result.

but it has 100% been my truth, which is why i want to push this out in the cosmos more.

this is a letter to my 19 year old self constantly disappointed that nothing seems to be working out..

the biggest reason for that is because you’re attaching so much importance on an image that you have about something else.

i’ve been the most stressed, anxious, and depressed when i was always onto the next, holding that image to such a high regard.

but right now man, i feel amazing, everyday brings me new opportunites, new lessons, new people i can talk to, passions i’m acting on as opposed to things others expect.

as opposed to those things i thought i was supposed to do.

i really can’t explain how much better i feel compared to being couped up in my room focused on results, people have been commenting about it in my eyes and demeanour.

i’m content, blessed, and just trying to push more everyday, become better, and stay grounded in my authenticity, routines and things that make me feel elevated.

it’s always the side things that have gotten me more clarity on what i’m meant to be doing, what i’m naturally good at, and what i want to be doing for a while.

to anyone seeing this lost, down in the drains because they feel like nothing seems to be working out, just keep experimenting family.

it will never come as fast as you think, i’m still on this journey my self, but the dots do end up connecting, you find those things you like, you find those things you don’t, you find your divine gifts, and shit starts to form a painting.

challenge yourself, push for growth, being in different environments, around different people, doing dumb things, getting embarrassed, sitting in the freezing cold for an hour, it will SHOW.

hope y’all learned something from this.

hope you mfs crush those goals you set out to achieve.

stay blessed & hydrated.